


Russian roulette

by Miss_Kitten



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 02:27:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12546764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Kitten/pseuds/Miss_Kitten
Summary: Based on an imagine: “Imagine taking a bullet for Bucky in order to save him” .





	Russian roulette

Until this moment, this split of a second you never realized how meaningless your life has been. Sure, you have joined the Avengers, you have saved the world along them more than once, but you never meant something in someone else’s life. Just an ordinary young woman, with extra abilities and a training that most of people would not survive.

But, not even once, have you heard that you _mean_ something.

And up until now, you didn’t think you would want it. Up until now, being ordinary woman working with the Avengers was enough. It was _something_.

But it wasn’t _it._

______

When Bucky arrived, it all changed. Everyone else tiptoed around him, was gentle and cautious, even Natasha. But not you. You didn’t bother yourself with too much sickening, exasperated kindness and carefulness. You treated him like any other member of the team, not afraid to criticize or tell straight away when you didn’t like something.

It seemed to be exactly what he needed. Not taking it easy on him, as if he would broke at any given moment, but treat him as an equal, regular guy. With a metal arm, but hey, who were you to judge? Sam had removable wings and it was quite a normal thing around there.

Ironically, you never even talked to Bucky longer than few sentences. When you walked onto him in the morning in the kitchen, we’d ask how did you sleep, you’d ask the same and both of you would lie that it was well. Neither of the Avengers wanted to talk about their nightmares, really. It was something you all avoided.

But there wasn’t an uncomfortable, hostile tension between you and Bucky. You worked well together. Every mission you two went on was a success and one time you overheard Steve complaining to Nat that he was jealous that you and Bucky completed each other on missions better than him and Bucky. Nat just laughed it off.

You knew the secret behind it.

Neither you nor Bucky meant a thing to one another. Of course, you were teammates, of course you felt at least a bit of sympathy to each other but that was it. No deeper feelings were involved.

Or were they?

______

A split of second. It’s enough to change one’s life. You always thought that life-changing decision are well-thought, long and tough, fateful and irreversible.

Well, it that case, only last two words are a match.

Time seems to slow down but only for you. You can see Bucky eyeing the other side of the room, his back turned to you. You can hear water leaking from a faucet in an adjacent room. You can smell a stench of rot, of stale air, of a space that hasn’t been properly cleaned in ages.

There is a metallic taste in your mouth, your blood pumping in your ears, your body tensed and ready.

Bucky thinks that he’s safe, that you’re safe, and if you do nothing, he will die with that conviction.

The attacker moves noiselessly and you have noticed him only by some kind of miracle. If it wasn’t for that, both of you would surely be dead in a heartbeat. But luckily for Bucky, you saw the man sneaking up on him, with his gun pointed directly at Bucky’s head.

And you don’t hesitate as you jump to cover your partner when the attacker pulls the trigger.

You hit the ground with a loud thud, air being punched out of your lungs, a piercing overwhelming pain spreading from your stomach. You hear a gunshot and the attacker’s body hits the floor. Then, a call of your name and a sound of somebody next to you, a cold hand pressed to your belly.

Your eyelids feel heavy, too heavy to keep them open and the darkness seems so alluring, promising, without pain.

“Stark, send a medic, or somebody. Y/N’s shot. No, I can’t do it on my own. Just send that damn doctor!”

“Y/N, stay with me, hey, don’t close your eyes,” Bucky says softly, too softly and so you will your head to turn to the side. You try to frown but a jolting ache courses through your body and you arch your back, stifling a scream.

“Help’s gonna be here any moment,” he assures but you don’t believe in it. It’s impossible for anyone to arrive at time and lord, can someone take that pain away? It’s too much to handle, too much to consciously bare, and so, ignoring Bucky’s words, you close your eyes.

And greet the darkness with a relief.

_____

The room is filled with an electronic ticking of machines. A harsh light of halogen lamps attacks your eyes as you try to open them, squeezing them shut in an instant.

You moan as your mind comes to consciousness, numbed by the dose of meds that are pumped into your system by the tubes attached to your body.

There’s a sigh of relief coming from your left and with great effort you slide your head to the direction and open your eyes slightly.

Your vision is blurry but you can’t mistake the messy brown hair and ocean eyes for anybody else.

“You’re dumb, you know it?”

“Nice to see you, too,” you croak, your voice harsh, your throat filling as if it’s full of broken glass.

Bucky sighs again, but in next moment you feel a lip of a plastic cup pressed against our mouth as he helps you take a sip of water. It tastes delicious.

You blink a few times, adjusting to the lights.

“How bad is it?”

“You’ll pull through.”

“Why do I have a feeling it’s not good?” you jest but Bucky doesn’t smile. His expression is hard to read, emotionless almost.

“Natasha said she’d kill you if you died. Steve hadn’t slept since you were brought in here.”

“Had you?”

“No.”

A silence falls between the two of you, both of you only staring at each other, trying to figure out what to say next. Your mind is racing. Was it not a right thing to do, to take a bullet for your partner? Did they blame you for trying to save Bucky?

“He’d kill you if I didn’t do it.”

“So you decided to die for me?”

“I decided to _save_ you.”

“Why?”

“Bucky, does it matter?”

“It does to me.”

You take a breath, your chest aching a little as you do so.

“You mean more to them than me.”

He lets out a surprised scoff.

“That’s the biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard. And believe me, I heard plenty.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“Y/N, I don’t get it.”

“Which part you don’t get?”

“The one when you decided I mean more than you. Why? Why am I more important?”

“Didn’t you see the lengths Steve went to get you back?”

“He’d do the same for you.”

“Natasha won’t admit it, but she’d kill anybody that threatened you.”

“And she wouldn’t if you were in danger? Y/N, every single one in the team would-“

“Would what? Miss me if I’ll die?”

“Yes,” he states firmly, the sureness in his voice and certainty in his eyes making you speechless. This time you don’t think he’s laying. This time it’s genuine and it strikes you just how recklessly you acted. And how blind you were.

“I, for that matter, wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if you died saving me. So don’t do it again. Ever.”

“But what if-“

“No what-ifs, Y/N. Next time we’re on a mission, I will make sure you don’t do something that stupid.”

“Bucky-“

“No, listen to me,” he leans in and reaches for your hand, taking it gently into his bionic one. He knows you’re not repulsed by it.

“I am not letting you die while trying to save me, or anyone else. You do not deserve it, okay? We have our backs but you’re not allowed to risk your life.”

“And you’re going to make sure of it.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t bear losing you,” he admits quietly and as his words sink in you finally realize why he seemed to be so angry with you.

The tension in the room is heavy, almost palpable and Bucky hangs his head low, pursing his lips. He messed up. He should’ve waited, shouldn’t have thrown it that fast, that unexpectedly.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“You said you didn’t sleep for quite some time.”

“Yes, why?”

“Do you think-“ you swallow a lump in your throat and gaze shyly into his eyes. “Do you think you can lay with me for a while? I think I’m gonna fall asleep soon, too much sedatives.”

He freezes only for a few seconds, and then he stands up and walks to the opposite side of bed. You gingerly scoot to the left to make him more place and he cautiously climbs into the bed, laying still, waiting for you to get comfortable.

You reach back for his arm and wrap it around your waist as you carefully press your back to his side. He rolls onto his side, and you feel his warm breath fanning over your neck.

You _mean_ something. You finally _mean_ something to someone. And that someone _means_ something to you, too.

He means everything.


End file.
